While there’s really no such thing as a “practical” Monster Hunter weapon (this is a franchise that loves to go far over the top), there’s a special class of weapons in this series that’s on another level in terms of absurdity. These weapons aren’t just giant creations that defy the laws of physics en route to conquering the most feared beasts in the world: they’re often quite silly. From pizzas to teddy bears, these are just some of the most ridiculous weapons in Monster Hunter history.
Tigrex Tank
Monster Hunter’s bowguns are generally pretty cool, but the weapon class was rarely cooler than in Monster Hunter Freedom 2 when we got our hands on the Tigrex Tank.
Glutton’s Tools
The Monster Hunter series has a strange history of food-based weapons (just you wait), but few are as memorable as the Glutton’s Tools. Yes, going into battle with a tank on your back sends a message, but what must a monster be thinking when they see a warrior standing in front of them wielding a fork and knife? Here’s this thing that’s a fraction of their size that is so confident that they’ll be eating them soon that they brought their own utensils. What an undeniable power move.
Sharq Attaq
Monster Hunter weapons designed to resemble giant monsters are nothing new, but there’s just something about this lance that stands out. Maybe it’s the Jaws-like looks, but I think it has something more to do with the narrative this weapon suggests. Not only did you hunt and kill a whole ass shark, but you are so proud of that accomplishment (rightfully so), but you have elected to have it stuffed and weaponized. I don’t even know how this thing actually hurts larger monsters, though I imagine the confusion of being hit by a shark offers a unique kind of pain.
Bamboo Birdsbane
A piece of bamboo doesn’t initially feel like the most intimidating weapon in the Monster Hunter universe. However, you have to realize that this isn’t just a melee weapon; it’s a gunlance that fires projectiles.
Ham of Hams
The Ham of Hams is the only Monster Hunter weapon that is bold enough to ask the question “How much does it hurt to get hit with a giant chunk of ham?” I’m guessing it hurts worse than being slapped with a fish, but is it more painful than biting into an especially stale baguette? I can only suspect that the density of the bone adds a little something to the force, but does the toughness of the creature you cooked factor into the damage? The world may never know these answers, but we still recognize the splendor of the Ham of Hams.
Pizza Wheel
This final form charge blade reminds us that anything can be a weapon in the Monster Hunter universe if you put enough thought into it. I don’t know if the cat ears give this pizza extra power, but I must say that it makes more sense to use a pizza in a fight than to prepare for a fight by eating a pizza. The latter usually just leads to a long nap, more than a few beers, and feelings of regret over the realization you did, in fact, eat the whole thing.
The Gun Hammer
Anyone can shoot at a monster, but it takes a true professional to craft a hammer in the shape of a revolver chamber and take that into battle.
Emperor’s Speech
I don’t even know where to start with this one. While many hunting horn weapons are modeled after instruments, this one is designed to resemble a royal pig riding atop a throne. The implication with this one seems to be that this pig’s voice (perhaps even just his words) is so commanding that it can help topple the largest beasts. He’s the kind of leader we need in these trying times, and he’s clearly also not afraid to throw his entire self at a monster in order to get the job done.
Teddy Bear Hammer
I’m not sure if this Teddy Bear weapon would make a shortlist of the strangest Monster Hunter weapons on the basis of its looks alone, but this one most certainly makes the cut by virtue of its abilities. See, this weapon actually casts a sleeping effect on its prey. That means it’s not just killing them so much as it’s rocking them to sleep with a gentle lullaby. That’s not just adorable; it’s the kind of thing Disney bases entire movies around when they’re not delaying Black Widow again.
Fist of Fury
Again, First of Fury isn’t the most absurd weapon in the grand scope of this franchise, but I love the story that this hammer tells.
